First posted to: https://surehopecounseling.com/emotions-in-scripture-growing-in-grace-alongside-our-children/
Few things have the potential to draw out the best and worst in us more than our relationships, and parenting might take the cake for this. What a responsibility, to be entrusted by God to raise small humans, to “train them up in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6) mentally, spiritually, physically, and relationally! Every emotion is woven into the life of a parent: intense love and joy, confusion and anxiety, pride and disappointment, frustration and hopelessness, excitement and anticipation. If we spend too much time riding this emotional rollercoaster with no relief or perspective, we’ll burn out quickly, so let’s look at the emotions of parenting from a Biblical perspective so we can grow in grace alongside our children.
Let’s begin with a quick visual exercise: think of a time when an interaction, event, or situation with your child stirred up a surprising emotion in you. What about it surprised you? Where do you think that emotion stemmed from?
Now let’s read Colossians 3:12-21 (ESV) together:
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (emphasis added)
Let’s go back to the example of the surprising emotion with your child. If you spent some time thinking about it, you might have come to the same conclusion as I did, which is that parenting exposes our emotions and the state of our hearts in significant and surprising ways. Their behaviors and words often trigger emotions that are more about our own expectations, experiences, and fears rather than the situation at hand. (This is not to say that issues don’t need to be dealt with in the moment, but that there is always more happening underneath the surface).
Parenting isn’t just about shaping our children; it is for our growth and sanctification too.
In the passage in Colossians, let’s look at the characteristics/virtues Paul tells us to “put on” and the behaviors/attitudes that, consequently, we need to put off. Notice that so many of these stem from emotions or are influenced by our fickle emotions.
| Put on… | Put off… |
| Compassion | Indifference, heartlessness |
| Kindness | Callousness, selfishness, cruelty |
| Humility | Pride, arrogance |
| Meekness | Aggression, power/control-seeking |
| Patience | Irritability, temper, impulsivity |
| Forgiveness | Mercilessness, bitterness, resentment, condemnation |
| Love | Withholding connection, considering 1 Corinthians 13, any of the items that oppose the definition of love. |
| Thankfulness (Gratitude) | Jealousy, self-pity, entitlement |
This is not a short list, friends. It is a high standard, and in the latter part of the passage, it makes a clear reference to marriage and parenting, showing the significance and impact of our emotions on our families, our “little churches.” God does not require us to have our emotions all sorted out to practice these characteristics. Rather, He invites us to bring our many emotions to Him and to the Holy Spirit, our Helper, for support! Perhaps our Lord is gracious in doing what He does, in allowing our children to bring up very tender, vulnerable feelings in us: that in revealing these things, He might give us the power (2 Corinthians 12:9, 2 Timothy 1:7, Philippians 4:13) to transform our most painful emotions into acts of love and obedience as holy and beloved chosen ones. What a witness to our children as well!
So when we become angry with our children’s disobedience, do we consider our own? When our child’s performance in school or a sport is lacking and we are embarrassed, is it more about our own hopes, expectations, and status? Are we putting on kind, meek responses even when our children are disrespectful and threaten our pride? Are we remembering that our righteousness is Christ, not our kids’ performance, image, abilities, strengths, etc.? Are we considering what God might have us learn about ourselves from each of our interactions with our children?
What would it be like if we paused, with gratitude, to say “thank you Lord, for using this to sanctify me” before we respond to our children and our emotions? This is a clear example of “taking every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5). This is both a biblical and psychological practice (consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and aspects of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). When we filter our responses through our relationship with our Father and our Savior, can we become healthier for ourselves, and as a result, for our children. We can grow in grace together.
Praying along with you!
-Mary Shea – if you need support in parenting, please learn more about Mary’s services here!
References/Footnotes:
1 If you’re interested in learning more about how to manage personal emotions from a psychological perspective, I highly recommend reading Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Dan Siegel. It addresses childhood trauma and experiences that influence the way we parent. It is not a Christian book, but an excellent psychology resource.
2 This concept is borrowed from Abbey Wedgeworth’s book titled Help! I’m Ruining My Kids: A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who’s Desperate for Change. Highly recommend it!
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