First posted to: https://surehopecounseling.com/surviving-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-a-member-of-your-family-of-origin/
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is devastating in any context, but when the person who harmed you is a member of your own family, the impact can be uniquely complicated, causing the child to question all they thought to be true. The people who were supposed to protect and nurture you suddenly became the source of fear and betrayal. For many survivors, that reality creates a lifelong tension between loyalty and self-preservation, silence and truth, love and anger.
The beautiful thing is that it does not have to be that way. You can reclaim your story, honor your strength, name the realities that so many endure in silence, and understand God’s heart toward survivors. In recovery, there is a saying, “we are only as sick as our secrets.” I believe this to be true for children of sexual abuse as secrecy, minimization, denial, and blame tend to leave the survivor feeling isolated, shamed, and confused, believing that speaking up will tear everything apart. However, silence does not preserve families, it just perpetuates harm leaving the survivor emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes spiritually torn apart. Breaking silence can actually be considered holy work as Scripture never commands a child to protect or excuse sin. Jesus consistently exposed hidden harm, confronted abusive power, and defended the vulnerable. Speaking truth is not an act of rebellion against God; it is an act of alignment with Him.
Part of reclaiming your story is understanding it. Ninety-seven studies of survivors of sexual abuse concluded that having the opportunity to process their trauma and develop their understanding about what they experienced helped them to challenge negative beliefs about their role, no longer blaming themselves and in fact, learning to accept what happened while developing self-respect. Adult survivors shared how counseling interventions helped them to learn what healthy relationships looked like, thereby allowing them to let go of unhealthy ones. They reported improvements in their mental health including reductions in depression, anxiety, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, fear, and anger while experiencing increases in self-esteem, confidence, and the freedom to express positive thoughts. These survivors even noticed improvements to their physical health which includes an increase in muscle strength, better sleep and stamina, and an overall appreciation of their physical bodies (Brown SJ, Carter GJ, Halliwell G, Brown K, Caswell R, Howarth E, Feder G, O’Doherty L. Survivor, family and professional experiences of psychosocial interventions for sexual abuse and violence: a qualitative evidence synthesis. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2022 Oct 4;10(10):CD013648. doi: 10.1002/14651858.CD013648.pub2).
One thing survivors of CSA came to value through counseling interventions is a sense of choice and control that may have been stripped away during their childhood. They were empowered to determine the pace of their treatment and to work collaboratively with a therapist on the modality used which was central to their healing. A trusting, positive therapeutic relationship where survivors feel safe is of utmost importance. Sometimes, it might be appropriate for a counselor to encourage or push survivors outside their comfort zone, all the while maintaining equality and respecting boundaries between the survivor and any family members included in the intervention. Being able to say “no” and assert personal boundaries aids survivors in recognizing their self-worth, empowerment and connection to others.
There are many more proven benefits for survivors of CSA understanding their story, but here are a few key elements of what survival actually looks like:
- Learning to trust yourself again.
Abusers (and sometimes family systems) often distort reality. Questioning your memory, emotions, or worth is a common aftereffect. - Setting boundaries that weren’t allowed in childhood.
This may mean going low-contact or no-contact, asserting limits, or redefining what family means to you. - Facing complicated emotions.
You might feel grief, anger, love, hatred, guilt, or nothing at all. Every feeling is valid. Healing is not linear. - Rebuilding your sense of safety.
Safety is not just physical—it’s emotional, psychological, and relational. - Telling your story in safe spaces.
This could be therapy, support groups, trusted friends, or anonymous communities. Speaking truth breaks the power of secrecy. - Therapy with trauma-informed professionals.
Modalities like EMDR, somatic therapy, or trauma-focused CBT can be powerful tools. - Allowing your younger self to be seen.
The child you were deserved care, protection, and love. Offering compassion to that child is a profound step in reclaiming your life. - Creating your own definition of family.
Family doesn’t have to be defined by blood. It can be made of people who show up with respect, safety, and love.
It is a beautiful thing to know that the Bible is full of moments where God moves toward the brokenhearted with tenderness, not condemnation.
- “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 - “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3
Please know that God welcomes your anger, confusion, hurt, and doubt. Survivors often feel guilty for questioning God or struggling with faith. But the Bible is full of people—Job, David, Jeremiah—who shouted their grief, rage, and confusion to God.
Your emotions are not sins. They are human. God can hold your questions, your silence, your anger, and your longing for justice.
Healing in a Christian context might look like:
- discovering that God sees you differently than your abuser did
- reclaiming the truth that your body and soul have inherent worth
- allowing God to restore what was stolen—not overnight, but gently
- finding safe Christian communities that honor your story rather than silence it
- recognizing that justice matters to God just as much as mercy
Your healing is not a threat to your faith; it is an expression of it.
-Pamela Adkins – learn more about working with Pamela here!
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